


Disconnected

by starker



Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Soul Bond, Soul Bond gone wrong
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-06
Packaged: 2018-02-03 15:06:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1748924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starker/pseuds/starker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bruce knew his entire life that his "soulmate" was out there. When he meets Tony and finds out it's him, Bruce quickly realizes Tony doesn't feel the same way for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Disconnected

**Author's Note:**

> When I first wrote this, I told myself I'd only post it if I wrote at least 1k words. I accidentally pulled an all-nighter finishing it at 8k+ words. Oops. 
> 
> Also, I've been seeing a post going around tumblr about soulmate AU's gone wrong and I thought to myself "wait, I totally wrote exactly this 6 months ago." So now here I am, posting this six months later.

Bruce felt like for his entire life he was waiting for someone. He didn't actually know who this person  was but for as long as he could remember, he had this feeling of anticipation and a weird sort of connection to this "someone" that he just _knew_ that once he was with them, he wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again.

He was completely wrong about the last part, but he still knew that person was out there. They had to be.

And it wasn't like this feeling was _completely_ irrational, either. It was strange, but Bruce had other feelings--almost memories, really--that he had already been with this person. Not in his current life, but as if he had already lived his life over and over again with this person. As if he'd already fallen in love with this person enough times to know when they were there. Sometimes they didn't even feel like they belonged to him, more like a photo album someone abandoned and he found. But he still felt the connection. In the beginning, he'd just assumed that he would meet this person quickly and he'd know it was them and get to spend the rest of his life with them happily-ever-after. But after a while he started getting impatient, worrying that maybe it wouldn't be sudden, but a slow build. Something he would carefully adjust his eyes to until it was finally clear.

For a while he thought that person could have been Betty, but when that was over it was extremely obvious that she wasn't.

Bruce's situation with "The Other Guy" could be seen as unpredictable. Or mentally, emotionally, and physically demanding. So it was easy for him to forget about this "someone" for extensive periods of time. Sure, whenever he was in a new place the thought crossed his mind that there were so many more people and so many new opportunities to find that person wherever he was, but that usually quickly turned into how many people he needed to avoid putting in danger. So there were distractions now. He didn’t dwell on it like he used to.

The biggest distraction came when he was asked to join S.H.E.I.L.D. on a little trip.

He knew why he was there, what he had to do, and knew that he was going to make everyone around him extremely uncomfortable. That was obvious once he was on the helicarrier. So he made sure he stayed focused on getting his job done and avoiding others whenever possible so he could get it over with and leave. Completely focused. No distractions from his thoughts on his "someone."

Which is why he was caught a little off guard when Tony Stark walked on to the helicarrier.

__________

He'd been told Tony Stark was going to work with him once he got on the helicarrier. It was kind of exciting, getting to work with someone whose work he'd respected for so long. While most people weren't too fond of Tony during his weapon-building days, Bruce couldn't deny that he was impressed with most of Stark Industries' advancements at the time; especially when he was working close to the military himself. After his accident he knew Stark Industries was helping the military track him down, and he had resented that for a while. But when he heard that they were no longer making weapons and the Iron Man thing happened, Bruce let his animosity go. Again, he was impressed by Stark Industries' advancements. The arc reactor technology fascinated Bruce--it almost seemed impossible. But he did his research. There was so much information available about the original arc reactor and the one in New York, but the one in Tony's chest was harder to find. None of the information he found about it was from Tony himself; all of it was from research done by outsiders. He may not have wanted anyone else getting the technology, but it seemed like he was oddly protective of it. He wouldn’t talk about it, even when it was directly mentioned. Maybe he was just embarrassed by it, or horrified by it, or any other of the infinite reasons he could have for not revealing anything about it. He figured something "almost impossible" could be achieved by someone like Tony Stark.

The ego thing was a little much for him, but Bruce decided he'd get to see firsthand how much of it was real.

They were expecting Tony to join them after they'd gotten Loki. Most of the team was already sitting around listening to Fury interrogate him. It was quite obvious to Bruce that Loki wanted the Hulk, but he stayed quiet; he didn't want to unsettle everyone around him. He knew it would put them on edge.

"He really grows on you, doesn't he?" Bruce quipped. The conversation went in the direction of Loki's motives. What he already had. Why he had it. What he wanted. As short as it was, he was caught up in it quickly. And one minute he was throwing out a question and then felt like he was knocked off his feet when Tony Stark answered. He almost felt whiplash from how fast he lifted his head.

The sound of Tony's voice shocked Bruce like an alarm someone forgot they set jolting them into consciousness. It wasn't a good feeling, one that nearly scared him to death, and for half a second Bruce forgot where he was or what was happening. He kind of blanked out.

When his brain finally caught up with what was happening, he realized he was still unconsciously participating in the conversation when Tony was talking to him again.

"Finally, someone who speaks English."

When Bruce looked up into Tony's eyes, it finally clicked. A wall broke down and the same ideas and feelings and memories that he'd had his whole life that he'd recently forgotten about flew through his mind and all he knew was that he belonged with Tony.

"It's good to meet you, Dr. Banner. Your work on anti-electron collisions is unparalleled." Bruce looked down at where Tony was grabbing his hand and shaking it. It felt right. Like it should be there forever. "And I'm a huge fan of the way you lose control and turn into an enormous green rage monster."

"Thanks." _So much for happily-ever-after,_ he thought.

__________

Bruce had been right about the part where he'd meet them and know it was just _them._ He _knew_ it was just Tony.

His eyes had it all. He _remembered_ Tony's eyes. Like they were the key to all the memories that Bruce had never thought were his--he'd finally found them.

What he never really accounted for, though, was whether or not the other person felt the same way. Tony had definitely taken a liking to him more than anyone else on the team, sure, but it didn't seem like he had any of the same feelings Bruce did. It hurt Bruce. It really did. He'd waited his whole life to finally meet this person and he just didn't get it. It wasn't like he could just bring up the question "Hey, Tony, I know we just met and everything, but do you get the feeling that we're soul mates, too?" It was just unfair.

But he got to work with Tony, and working with Tony just felt right. Like he'd been working by his side his entire career. Besides just working together, they got along so great. Talking to Tony was the easiest thing Bruce had ever done. They got to know each other surprisingly quickly after just working with each other for just a couple of hours. Bruce opened up more than he normally would with someone he just met. Or anyone, really. Tony had no idea that Bruce was quietly concealing the fact that he was absolutely sure he was in love with him, but whether Tony knew it or not, Bruce still felt like the heaviest burden in the world was lifted. The flood gates had opened, and he decided he'd open up, too. Tony poked and prodded and asked about the other guy, and Bruce answered more truthfully then he ever remembered revealing. In return, Tony opened up about his arc reactor in his chest. Nothing about his body language revealed it, but Bruce knew that Tony didn't open up about this kind of thing. He didn't even have to come to the conclusion on his own; he just _knew_ it. There were things that he just knew about Tony without needing to ask or experience first.

All of it filled him up with such happiness, which he had been severely lacking lately.

At first when he thought about the fact that Tony didn't have the same overwhelming sense of finding his soul mate that Bruce did, it crushed him. He wanted to reach out and grab him and be able to continue his story the way his memories did. But as he worked, he started noticing little things. Like how he had noticed that Tony opened up to him about the arc reactor even though he normally wouldn't talk about it. Like the way they worked on the same level. Other than when they first met and Bruce felt like he'd been thrown into another dimension, it was clear that he was meant to be with Tony for the less than obvious reasons. He didn't know it, but Tony was just _meant_ for Bruce. He just was. Bruce felt like it was going to be his own personal mission to show him that.

But it wasn't like he had any leisure time to sit around with Tony and try to explain this all to him while they were under an alien attack, so he had to wait a little bit to show him.

__________

After the battle Bruce was exhausted. When he was back to himself he had been in a sleeplike haze that he didn't fully wake up from until he was sitting in a ruined restaurant with the rest of Earth's mightiest heroes. He was hungry, too. Evidently he'd already eaten two plates of whatever it was and that hadn't stopped him from taking some more from Tony's plate. He was too tired to care.

Tony told Bruce he was coming back to the tower that night and he wasn't going to take no for an answer. Bruce laughed because he wouldn't have said no anyway.

Tony wanted Bruce to stay for a while and work with him. Bruce felt a jittery, excited feeling coming from him, and that made it hard to say no. They worked together for the most part in the beginning. Sometimes it would be working on one of Tony's personal projects, or something for Stark Industries, and every once in a while they just messed around. When Tony worked, he almost went into his own trance, and it was so easy for Bruce to get caught up in it. The flow of it just pulled him along and before he knew it they'd be days into a project. It was a relief for Bruce to let himself go and get caught up in his work like that. He hadn't been able to do it in years. Not with so much good energy.

Outside of working was just as good. Bruce had his own room at the tower. Tony offered to make him one more permanent, but Bruce denied for the time being. It wasn't that he was planning on leaving any time soon. It was just that when he did decide to stay permanent, he hoped it would be _with_ Tony. He didn't want him wasting money on a personalized floor just so soon.

But the more time went on, the more Bruce started to wonder how long this was really going to take. Tony was strictly on the "friends" team at the moment and it didn't look like that was going to change soon. At first they were both too distracted with the work they were getting done to think about anything else. Bruce was kind of amazed by how easily distracted he was from being in love by the exact person he was in love with.

But after those first few weeks was when Bruce started getting some uneasy feelings from Tony. At first they weren't common and they weren't strong. Usually around the evening Tony would be restless. Sometimes he'd drink. Bruce didn’t like that feeling.

The first night Tony had nightmares Bruce couldn't sleep for hours. He'd woken up in a cold sweat and had a nauseating sense of anxiety in his chest. He wanted to run straight for Tony's room and hold him but had to physically restrain himself from leaving. He didn't want to scare Tony about knowing he was having nightmares. But it was a harsh night for both of them.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Bruce had thought out how he'd get him to talk about it. That had seemed like the most viable way of getting it out.

He felt Tony have a quick spasm of anxiety at the thought of it. Then a feeling of despair came in and took over. Tony didn't show any of it at all. "Okay I guess. Could've done better."

The fact that he didn't even want to talk about it to Bruce made them both realize how bad it was.

They went on for a few more weeks before Bruce finally had to do something. He still didn't feel right telling Tony about what he was feeling, so he worked his way around it. It was becoming visible, anyway. Plus, Bruce would be able to say he knew Tony well enough to sense when something was wrong, and he would believe it. The lack of sleep, the panic, the inability to concentrate while working was all building up. Bruce felt it spinning uncontrollably.

"Tony, I really think you should take some time off." Tony put down what he was working on and leaned on the lab table.

"I'm probably fine--"

"No, you're not." Bruce pressed hard, but he knew he didn't need to. "Look, you're clearly losing more sleep than usual. I don't know what it is," lie, "but it's got to stop. Soon. It's affecting your work. It's affecting your fucking daily life."

"I'm not gonna talk about it."

"Alright. Fair enough. But just take the time off. Hell, go to Malibu. You haven't been there in months."

Tony actually liked that idea, and Bruce could already feel a bit of stress peeling away at the thought.

"Really?"

"Yes. I'll work on everything for the company and what not here. Just come back…normal. Or at least try to."

__________

When Tony left, Bruce was relieved. Things weren't really better, but he knew Tony was in a much better place to relax. He had more friends out there. His house of there was more comfortable. The little things that made Tony happy about being back in California made Bruce feel good. They sent small, jittery bursts of airiness through Bruce, which was good. Of course, the nightmares were still there. And Bruce always regretted not being with him to comfort him. But he reminded himself that even if he was there, he wouldn't be able to do anything. Hopefully someone else would be able to take care of Tony when he was there.

__________

Bruce was touched when Tony asked him if he could talk about what he'd been going through since New York and everything that had happened with the Mandarin. Really. He knew Tony wasn't opening up to anyone else about this stuff, and he also knew that Tony had people closer to him he could've opened up to.  It was another one of his signs that they were really meant for each other.

It was starting to piss Bruce off how long it was taking for Tony to get it, but he had to be patient. At least he knew that he'd come around eventually.

Tony started with all the stuff that was bothering him since New York, but none of it was news to Bruce. He already knew how Tony had felt about all of it. He knew what kept Tony up at night because knowing he was having nightmares kept Bruce awake, too. He knew somewhere Tony was suffering because he was too stubborn to open up, and Bruce stayed up wondering if he could be helping him.

The more Tony went into things he already knew, the less Bruce paid attention.  He started to zone out when Tony started talking about the New Year's party in 1999. He let himself get lost in his own thoughts instead. _What if he doesn’t come around?_ Bruce tried to shake that one off. _Of course he would,_ he thought back to himself. In all of his memories, there was never one where the other person just didn't love him back. It would just take time.

He didn't even realize that he'd fallen asleep while Tony went through everything. _Just great,_ he thought, _now he thinks I don't give a shit._

"So you heard none of it." Bruce cringed at the exasperation in his voice. _Fuck._ He knew it took a lot for Tony to open up like that, even to Bruce.

"I'm sorry. I--I'm not that kind of doctor," He tried to come up with some bullshit excuse. Tony would see right through it, he wasn't an idiot, but Bruce just felt so bad that he felt like anything would  make it better. "I'm not a therapist. It's not my training. I don’t have the--"

"What, the time?"

Tony was getting angry. Bruce was getting fed up. As bad as he felt, he really didn't want to wait any longer for Tony to just _get it._ He didn’t want to sit around and try to just give him a pleasant friendship when all he wanted to do was make him realize that he was supposed to be in love with him. It was too much.

"Temperament." Well, it was the truth. He really didn't have the temperament to sit around idly and listen patiently to Tony tell him things that he already knew.

He knew he fucked up. When Tony started talking again, Bruce tried for a fraction of a second to pretend like he was interested before he gave up.  At least Tony still wanted to open up to Bruce instead of just leaving. In fact, all of the hurt and anger from a moment before had gone away almost immediately. It was another sign. Bruce literally couldn’t handle it anymore.

"Tony, I really can't do this anymore." He rubbed the bridge of his nose as he said it. He knew Tony would probably feel the hurt again. His inability to understand hurt Bruce even more.

"Come on, you got to nap through everything else. I think you owe me this one."

"Look, Tony, I--"

"You know, this is actually really unfair. I don't do this often, you know."

_I know._

"It's not as simple as you think."

"What, sitting around and listening to your friend get something off his chest?" Even though Tony was missing all the pieces, it still managed to make Bruce feel like a piece of shit. When he finally had the courage to look Tony in the eye, it was his turn to be looking away from Bruce. "I don't know why, but I just had the feeling like you'd be the person to tell all of this to. It's stupid, but…I don't know. It was just a gut feeling. But if I'm just annoying you, then whatever. I'll leave you alone." He wasn't angry. Or bitter. Just hurt. Let down. That was the worst part for Bruce to handle.

Tony got up and left the room. Bruce rubbed his face in his hands. He had to tell him. He couldn't keep doing the hurt thing.

He caught up with Tony right before he got to the elevator. He put his hand on his shoulder to turn him around, and the small touch sent shivers down Bruce's spine. _Don't get distracted._

"Tony. There's something you have to know."

"I get it. You don't want to hear my epic story. It's fine." He got in the elevator and tried to close the door on Bruce, but he slip in when the doors were half closed.

"That's not it."

"Then what?"

Bruce paused and thought about "what." _Well…what?_

"It's going to sound really stupid."

"Nothing can sound stupid coming from you."

"I don't think you'll believe me."

"Clearly you don't remember what happened in New York. Or the fact that I have a flying metal suit, my best friend can turn into an enormous green rage monster, and if you didn't fall asleep back there, you wouldn't have missed my incredibly unbelievable story that you won't get to hear now."

Bruce was starting to regret deciding to follow him into an elevator. Elevators didn't make him nervous or anything, but now if he wanted to leave, if he couldn't handle the conversation anymore, they'd be stuck in a small room for another few minutes. No other room for him to walk away to.

He let out an exasperated sigh.

"Okay, well…for as long as I can remember, I'd had this… feeling. Like I was waiting for someone."

"Like in a 'hopeless romantic' kind of way or in a 'I'm gonna talk to dead people' kind of way?"

This wasn't a good idea.

"No. I mean, kind of romantic, but more than that. Like… I always had this…'connection' that I felt with someone. And I didn’t know who they were or where they'd show up, but I was always kind of expecting them." He thought Tony might say something at this point, maybe make another joke, but he didn't. He looked serious. "And… I had these weird memories. But they weren't mine? Does that make sense? Like they weren't memories of  _me,_ but they felt like mine. _Shit_ , I must sound so crazy right now." He leaned against the corner and closed his eyes and rubbed his nose. His other hand was busy in his hair. He didn’t want to look at Tony. He didn't even want to keep talking; he just wished he could suddenly make Tony understand without having to ramble on like an idiot.

"You don't sound _that_ crazy. I mean, sure, if you were some normal person, yeah, I'd probably think you'd need a therapist. One better than yourself, I might add." Bruce rolled his eyes. "But I mean, it makes sense for you, I guess. You have another person buried beneath your brain. It's not the strangest thing in the world that's happened to you."

"This has nothing to do with _him,_ " he said a little too bitterly. "But this person… I'd just been expecting them for so long."

"Do you know who it is?" He was quieter now. He wasn't trying to force Bruce to say anything, he was just genuinely concerned. It was touching. And heartbreaking to think that he probably won't want to be too close to Bruce after he gets this out.

"Yes."

"Do they know who you are?"

"Well, yeah, they know me."

"And they feel the same way about you, right?" He was so nonchalant about it. He really just wanted to help out a friend. Bruce could just feel it all over that Tony didn't have any idea that it was him, and that was such a painful reminder.

"No. That's it. They just don’t _get it._ And it's just been so long--I can't keep up with it. I can't keep pretending like nothing's there."

"So your temperament issues have nothing to do with me. It's this… person. Not realizing they're this… person."

 _Oh, they have_ everything _to do with you._ The elevator finally stopped. Bruce started grinding his teeth in frustration.

"Come on. Keep telling me about this 'person' and I'll get you a drink." Bruce almost went back down to his own floor, but he desperately needed that drink. And he had to finish now that Tony cared.

He sat down on one of Tony's couches and waited for Tony to bring him something. Tony handed him a glass of scotch, and their fingers brushed and Bruce shivered from the touch. _Just keep going._ He downed half the drink.

"Okay. So I basically was waiting my whole life for this person… weird connection… memories that aren't mine _or_ the other guy's. And when I finally figured out who it was, it was honestly the best feeling in the world." Bruce couldn't help smiling thinking about that first time they met. It didn’t quite meet his eyes, though. He felt Tony smile with him across the table. He looked down into his glass and moved his fingers around it. "Like, this sense of pure _release_ just came over me, and I was just so happy. I mean, the mood was dampened pretty quickly when I realized they had no fucking idea what was happening." He felt it all coming out quickly now. More emotional, too.  The booze didn’t do anything for his system, he just felt better now that he was out of the elevator. He had an out. When it was over he could walk away and leave without seeing Tony's face. He'd feel it, though. But the idea of not seeing it made it feel easier.

"What _was_ happening, though?"

Bruce shook his head. "I can't even explain it."

"Can you try?" He knew Tony was trying to comfort him. To get him to talk it out. Even though Tony bottled things up for the most part, he had felt comfortable enough to tell Bruce everything, so he thought it would help the other way around. He was so wrong, but it was so caring Bruce almost wanted to cry.

"I just… I spend every day trying to just be this persons friend. I respect their boundaries. But it's hard. And I've been so afraid to tell them because they really appreciate our friendship. And I don't want to scare them. But I feel like I'm dying every day that I don't tell him how I feel and it's been harder and harder for me to stand there while he gets upset and he just doesn't _understand_ and damn it, Tony, sometimes I just feel the need to fucking shake you until you finally get what's supposed to be happening."

He fucked up.

He ran before Tony could even look up.

Tony was so shocked that Bruce couldn't even feel what he was feeling. It was better that way.

__________

Bruce locked himself on his floor for the next few days. He didn't want visitors, especially Tony. He kept feeling everything Tony felt about the situation, which made it worse. As hard as he tried, he couldn't block it out.

For the most part, nothing Tony was feeling felt good to Bruce. It felt sick. After the initial confusion (which lasted for a good two hours), Tony started feeling guilty. That was the worst one for Bruce. He could tell Tony started drinking. Nausea (he couldn't tell who that was coming from). Sadness. Regret. Most of the stuff in that family.

Bruce ignored Tony's calls. He deleted the voicemails before he could listen to them. Blocked messages to his phone. Refused to answer the door when Tony stood outside it banging (even though Jarvis made it very clear that he wasn't allowed inside).

Bruce didn't do much locked away. He couldn't work on anything because even if he wanted to try to work privately, Tony would come along looking for him in any of the labs. He mostly slept. That gave him an escape from having to consciously handle the situation. The pain found its way into his dreams, but it didn't feel as real when he slept. He could pretend it was a nightmare where he accidentally was in love with his best friend. But he couldn't fool himself, and he knew he had to face Tony eventually. He thought it would be on his own terms, though; not Tony's.

Of course Tony was upset over Bruce and needed to see him, but something about being locked out of a room in his own tower upset him on a different level. It wasn't more upsetting, just upsetting on a level where he felt like he needed to break in.

The sound of one of the security systems failing was what caught Bruce's attention. He turned around and of course saw Tony breaking in.

Seeing Tony set off so much of what Bruce was trying to get out of his head. The sick. The guilt. Above all, the longing to just _be_ with Tony that he had to restrain the most.

"I thought you'd realize I don't want to see you."

"I thought you'd realize how much it would piss me off to lock me out of my own security system."

Bruce sighed as he stood up and covered his eyes with his hands and started walking towards his room.

"Why do you keep avoiding this, Bruce? It's out there. Whatever. I don't know what you're feeling if you don't tell me."

Bruce didn't know what upset him more, the fact that Tony still couldn't understand or the jealousy he had to not feel what the other was feeling all the time.

He turned back around to Tony.

"What do you want me to say? I said it all. I told you about the fucking creepy 'connection' and 'memory' shit. And don't tell me it's not creepy, Tony. It's weird, Even for people like us."

Tony sighed. Bruce knew he was trying. Carefully.

"Okay, even I'll admit it's a little weird. But it's nothing we can't handle." _We._ It was supposed to be _w_ e _,_ but that wasn't going to work like this. "Look, I know I'm not feeling the same things you are. But don't feel guilty about it. Just because I haven't had this whole anticipation think like you doesn't mean it can't work. And I'm sorry to let you down. When it happened, I mean. It's not often that I disappoint." Bruce smiled at that.

"It just… doesn't make sense. Or seem fair." Bruce walked back to the couch and sat down. This was happening now.

"Things usually don't."

"What, make sense or seem fair?"

"Both."

Tony sat down in the chair across from Bruce. He just stared at him, feeling worried and helpless. Like he couldn't do anything to help Bruce.

"I'm sorry I had to lay this all on you. You don't deserve all this shit. It's mine. I just couldn't take it anymore. I just--"

"I know. It's really awesome that you cared that much to try not to ruin our friendship, but you didn't have to live like that. I mean, have you really been keeping this since we first met?"

Bruce nodded.

"We could've made it work. Still can." Tony got up and sat next to Bruce on the couch.

"Tony, you don't have to do this. Really. This is all stuff I've dealt with my whole life. You don't have to do something you don't want to do for my sake."  


"But I want to." He slid his fingers into Bruce's and Bruce felt electricity jump through him. Usually when he touched Tony it was fleeting, but this time it stayed, and he grew more comfortable in it.

"This isn't weird for you?"

"Nope. It's nice."

Bruce let himself lean into the touch and found his head on Tony's shoulder.

"I'm sorry that I don't feel everything that you do."

"You shouldn't feel sorry for that."

"I am."

It was such a tranquil moment. Bruce felt so right resting on Tony. He belonged there. He felt guilty, of course, since Tony didn't feel the same things back, but he was so addicted to the feeling and he couldn't remove himself. He felt the need to just tell Tony things. To try to get him to feel with him. He didn’t want to force Tony into anything, but he didn't want to make this one-sided.

"It's wasn't just infatuation or anything." Tony looked down at him.

"You don't have to explain anything to me. I just want to help." Bruce just shook his head.

"I just want you to know this isn't just some weird obsession. I mean, I wouldn't just _choose_ to obsess over you or anything--"

"Why not? Plenty of other people do it." Bruce rolled his eyes and didn't give him the joy of a comeback.

"But it's more than that. I mean, I can't even put into words the feelings I had growing up. Like, I felt like I was waiting for a savior. I grew up in a shitty home. Bad things happened to me. People I cared about left. But I always had this knowledge in the back of my mind that someone was going to save me from it all one day." Tony respectfully stayed quiet. Bruce knew he wanted to make another joke. "And I had all these memories--I know they weren't mine, but it felt like _proof._ Like a letter telling me I'd get to relax one day. And I just kept running on this for so long. After a while it faded away and I kept getting distracted. But one day I was just minding my own business and you walked in and I don't even know what to say. I just knew you were that person."

Tony was radiating understanding. He was just so comforting.

"And was that is? Like, 'poof' and I was randomly selected?" Bruce shook his head. He buried himself deeper into Tony.

"There was more. Like, I just saw you, and your face just fit right into every memory. It was just so clear… it was just _you_. I mean, some of it you had to have felt. It wasn't all just some bad cheesy romance crap."

"Damn. That's my favorite kind."

"Shut up. But that first day we met, when we worked in the lab all day. You have to admit, we just sort of fit. I was never able to work with anyone in the lab without getting thoroughly annoyed, and I know you were the same way. But we worked just fine. Better. You know we just _fit,_ Tony." Bruce could see Tony thinking back to it, and knew he agreed. "We just got along so perfectly. It wasn't like I had some stupid infatuation with you. We were genuinely fitting perfectly together." Bruce could feel Tony starting to feel guilty again.

"When did you realize I wasn't catching on?"

"Almost instantly." More guilt. "I just kind of thought that maybe I could work around it. That I'd just be able to show you and you'd get it. Because really, Tony, if you weren't meant to be with me the way I'm meant to be with you, we wouldn't have worked so perfectly. And you wouldn't have just opened up to me about your arc reactor within an hour of knowing me. You don't open up to people like that. Not even Pepper."

"But how did you know I didn't do those things? We'd only known each other for a couple hours." He wasn't angry about having his privacy invaded. He was genuinely curious. He was a scientist. And a friend.

"I can't really explain it, Tony. There's just things I know. As much of this feeling I had before meeting you, once I met you in person so much more happened. I just kind of knew things about you without having to figure it out or ask you. I know when you're up all night because of nightmares. I know when things are bothering you. I mean, I can literally feel what you feel. Sometimes it's sickening."

He could sense that Tony was just feeling worse as the conversation went on. Bruce was glad he hadn't left. He hadn't even noticed that Tony had put his arms around him and was holding him. It made him sick to his stomach but he couldn't escape. It was addictive.

Bruce looked up at Tony's face.

"So now what?"

Tony shrugged.

"This is nice for now."

"I wouldn't have thought you'd want this."

"I wouldn't either, but I'm all for spontaneity. I mean, you said it yourself, Bruce. We do fit perfectly together."

"But you didn't see it."

"Well, yeah, but now I do. We're like one of those puzzles where all the pieces look the same and you can't figure out where any of them go, but after a while you finally get them together." He knew Tony didn't really mean it. Or feel it. He was just trying to make Bruce feel better.

"That's a horrible analogy."

"I know."

"And you still don't really understand. From my perspective."

"I know."

"So your analogy actually doesn't work. At all."

"Oh, well. You're better with words."

Bruce still couldn't build up the energy to move, but his mind was getting uncomfortable.

"So what's going to happen now? Are you just going to pretend like I don't have this… thing for you?"

"For a little bit. It's better than you ignoring me and locking me out of my own security system."

Bruce thought about that for a little bit. Tony didn't understand, so it was easier for him. Of course he wanted Tony. Of course he wanted to stay wrapped in his arms for the rest of his life, happily in love. But he couldn't have Tony do it for him. He wanted Tony to do it for Tony.

"You realize you're like, my soul mate or something, right?"

"Well, now I do." So casual. Unbelievable.

"And that doesn't freak you out?"

"Trust me. I'm much more scared of the Hulk than I am of me being your soul mate."

Bruce didn't push anymore. He understood.

__________

For a couple of weeks it worked out well. Bruce was still uncomfortable with Tony getting involved with him when he had no good reason to, but Tony was so relaxed and happy to do it that he couldn't say anything. They didn't even do much, really. They never kissed. They never did more than cuddle. Bruce would just cling on to Tony most of the time and he happily obliged. Bruce made him stand by his side in the lab while they worked. They held hands under the table when they ate. Bruce basically just needed his touch 24/7. Tony would put an arm around him when they walked around and when they were laying down on the couch reading or watching TV Bruce would lean on Tony's shoulder or chest. Tony had offered to sleep with Bruce, but he denied. He thought that was too much at the moment. Tony was just being friendly. He shouldn't take advantage of that.

Tony was still guilty about not feeling was Bruce does, too. It wasn't as constant and overwhelming as it was the first few days, but it lingered every once in a while. At least it wasn't so sickening.

He would ask Bruce about how it felt. Scientific mind. He asked him why he liked touching him so much. And what it felt like when he was away from Bruce. And he was always astonished by how Bruce always knew what he was feeling. That was another guilt trip. Bruce always knew when and how to take care of Tony, but Tony had to guess or ask what Bruce was feeling. When Tony was having nightmares, Bruce knew where to find him. Sometimes he stayed in his bed, but he usually went to the lab. But Bruce always went to him. Sometimes he'd listen to Tony talk about it. He already knew everything Tony told him, but he felt Tony was comforted by getting it out. He never fell asleep when Tony did it.

By the third week, Bruce could tell Tony wanted to know what Bruce felt. Tony was steadily falling for him, and not only was he still feeling guilty for not feeling what Bruce did, but he was also feeling lonely. Jealous. Left out. Bruce tried to comfort him through it. Sometimes he would describe what he felt. Sometimes he would just talk about how much of a pain in the ass it could be.

It was comforting to Tony how Bruce would try to compensate for his lack of…whatever it was. Bruce ignored and hid his feelings at first. Bruce knew what Tony was feeling, but he didn’t really know what Tony was thinking. He thought Tony wanted to help out initially just to be a good friend. After he had first opened up in his room, Tony thought for a long time before talking to Bruce. When he ran, Tony had been left in a state of shock at first. But then he started thinking about their friendship. Their relationship. Tony had thought about being drawn to Bruce for a while, but he was just realizing why it made sense now. All the times he felt the need to share with Bruce. His space. His stuff. His thoughts. He'd given it all to Bruce without a second thought. Until now, that is.

He realized he wanted to help out. Not just to be friendly. The longer he thought about it, the more he wanted to just try a relationship with Bruce. Not because Bruce needed it--because _he_ wanted it. His mind was made up before he broke into Bruce's floor.

Now he was just stuck, too far in to give up now. He wanted to be there for Bruce. He wanted Bruce there for his own sake. His own happiness.

Tony had gotten used to the fact that Bruce didn't want to kiss him or sleep with him (actual sleep, not Tony's usual "sleep with"). He didn't really care, either. He felt like it was another one of Bruce's "signs." He just wanted to be with Bruce all the time and make him happy, whether he was kissing him or not.

Tony had felt even more once Bruce told him about everything. He noticed the way he was drawn to Bruce. Not in the overtly obvious ways, but in the little ones. All the ways Bruce had pointed out to him seemed so obvious to Tony now. He felt better just being with Bruce. He couldn't tell what he was feeling or thinking, and he didn’t get the feeling Bruce did when they touched, but he wanted to. He felt like he was standing outside the door, seeing what was happening in the window, but still wasn't let inside.

__________

One night when Tony was sleeping, Bruce could tell he was uneasy. He wasn't waking up from nightmares. This was different. It was another feeling of not being able to connect. Tony was feeling this more often, and it made Bruce sicker than the guilt. Even though he was still sleeping, he decided to go up to Tony's floor.

Jarvis let him in silently, and Bruce found his way to the bedroom without the lights. He saw Tony lying on the bed, laying still, but his face was upset. Uneasy. Even though it was Bruce's rule about sleeping with him, Bruce got on the bed in the space next to Tony. He didn't lay down at first; just sat with his back against the headboard and his knees up to his chest. He ran his fingers through Tony's hair, and he relaxed visibly. He didn't wake up, which was good; Bruce didn't want him to.

He wasn't sure how long he stayed like that, running his fingers through Tony's hair, but after a while he started to get tired. He stretched his legs out and lowered himself so his body was parallel with Tony's. He leaned on his side, still rubbing his head, watching him sleep. He could feel the comfort Tony felt. It wasn't unlike the comfort he got when he leaned into Tony's touch. Which happened to be so close.

He didn't give in to it, though. But he didn't leave Tony's side, either. He watched Tony sleep through the entire night, too encompassed to go to sleep himself.

Tony finally woke up some time around nine. He was surprised to see Bruce next to him, and then a warm happiness filled him. Bruce could become addicted to that feeling.

"I thought you said no sleeping with me."

"I didn't sleep."

Bruce finally removed his hand from Tony's head, and Tony moved to let Bruce lean against his side. Bruce moved without argument.

"So, why were you not sleeping with me?"

"I knew you weren't sleeping well. You felt… disconnected." Tony just sighed.

"I wish I could say I knew you were here, but I can't."

"I thought you liked spontaneity."  Tony smiled.

__________

Over the next few days Tony still had the same disconnected feeling. It wasn't just when he slept, either; he spent most of the day like that.

Bruce tried to make Tony feel better, but there wasn't much he could do. Tony just liked talking it out. Bruce was patient. Listened to everything Tony had to say, even though he already knew it. It was painful for him, really. He didn't like seeing Tony so upset.

Bruce felt his own sickly guilt at this point. He felt better knowing that Tony was at least committed to their relationship because he wanted to, but Bruce still felt like if he hadn't told Tony what had been going on, none of this would've started in the first place.

Tony still wasn't catching on. As hard as that thought was on Bruce weeks ago, now it was crushing. It made his chest tight and he wanted to throw up. And Tony's feelings on top of it made it all worse.

Since Tony didn't really understand the extent of what Bruce felt, he often tried to fool him. He tried to tell him he felt fine, or that he was getting used to not having the balance he obviously craved.

Bruce was, at this point, hopeless. He was glad that Tony couldn't feel that. He didn't have the heart to tell him.

__________

They were in Tony's kitchen starting their morning. Tony was more upset than normal; Bruce had been in bed with him not sleeping again. Bruce sat on the counter, holding Tony's hand. He was still just as addicted to the touch. He needed it more for his current state of mind, feeling like shit all the time. Tony was making coffee and was visually depressed this morning. He was talking it out. Bruce was feeling guiltier.

Tony had asked if Bruce still had hope for him.

He lied and told him of course.

"I'm sorry that I did this to you."

"Did what?"

"All… this. Make you like me. Make you depressed over the fact that we can't share… this."

Tony smiled faintly.

"Please, Bruce. Don't be so selfish--I would've probably ended up falling for you with or without your situation here."

At first Tony had gloated about being Bruce's "soul mate." Like it was a prize he had won. When he actually started falling for Bruce, and he started getting disconnected and obviously shaken, he stopped calling it by name. Bruce noticed when he stopped. It was slightly heart breaking.

"Tony," Bruce got off the counter and let go of Tony's hand. He didn't want to feel like he was taking advantage of him when he said this. "I know that you get that I've loved you since before I even met you." Tony looked down. Bruce grabbed his hands again. Sometimes Tony needed it more than Bruce did. "And I know you know that I fell even harder for you when we met. But I want you to know that none of that has made me love you more than what you do for me now." Tony looked up, and Bruce could feel him slightly surprised. "I've hurt you. Don't say I haven't, because I know I have. I tried to avoid it. The pain I felt then, I thought that was the worst. I thought when you didn't notice me it was the worst pain in the world."

"But I did--"

"Don't interrupt me. But when I finally told you all this shit about you being my 'soul mate,' instead of just pretending like nothing happened, you took care of me. You didn't have to, and you did. And now I feel like it's my fault that you get to feel hurt and depressed because you don't get to share it with me. And you could've left before any of it happened. You could've left when it started. You could still leave, but you're not. Tony, you keep _staying,_ and it's killing you, but you're doing it for me, and that's why I love you. Not because I was mesmerized by some shit my whole life. All those thoughts and connections from before were nothing. It's because you're you. You don't have to be my soul mate for me to see how much I love you."

Bruce felt like he couldn't even put it in the right words. He knew Tony wouldn't expect it when he leaned in and kissed him.

For Bruce, it was the best sensation he'd ever felt. Like every time Tony touched him, it was electric--but so much more _powerful._ He felt the shock equally in every part of his body and mind and he could've been weightless and he wouldn't have known the difference.

For Tony… it was _the_ moment. He felt this mind-blowing sensation that caused him to almost pass out; _this_ was that feeling… he knew it. He felt the electricity in the sensation and grabbed onto Bruce harder as if his life depended on it. He could _feel_ Bruce--the way Bruce had felt him the entire time. It was a warm, ecstatic feeling that he could get drunk off of and he never wanted it to end.

Bruce knew Tony was _there._ He felt it. He was so happy for him he could've started crying.

Tony knew that Bruce knew. It was the best feeling in the world to be able to know that.

When their mouths let go, the remained wrapped in each others' embrace with their foreheads together.

"That's your second rule you've broken this week, you know."

"I wasn't sleeping."

"How was I supposed to know?"

"Aren't I your soul mate or something?"

Tony smiled for the first time in days; it made Bruce kiss him again.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) I don't even know if this was actually good. I just really felt like I needed to publish it.


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